When we think of the word lust a lot of bad images come to mind. We think of boys hiding behind screens of pornography, that girl from your high school that always winded up in the backseat of a boys’ car, and all of the boys our gazes have lingered on longer than is polite. However, though that type of lust is very real and evident in our culture today, that is not that same lust I am going to be discussing as among one of the seven deadly sins. There is a different lust that can affect even the most confident of girls and that is what I would like to call the “perfect man lust.”
Remember when you were in junior high or frankly your freshman year of college and you sat around with your girlfriends and talked about all the traits that you wanted in your future spouse. When you were younger you said things like great hair, good smile, has abs. And as you got older you might have said things like hardworking, funny, smart, and even godly. While this isn’t inherently bad, it’s actually pretty enjoyable, this practice can fill our minds with things that we think we need to have. It can make us start to idolize these qualities and overall idolize our idea of what relationships are.
We live in a world that is glorified by Nicholas Sparks romance novels, Say Yes To The Dress episodes, and the idea that if we can just find love our life will start to have meaning. We start to be brainwashed into thinking that our life is meaningless without a husband that fits all the checks on our lists. While marriage is a great and healthy desire, it can become problematic when we start lusting after the idea of having that perfect relationship more than we lust after our Creator . It can be far too easy to fill the void in our hearts with a cute boy who says all the right things. But once the excitement of a new relationship has faded, we might find ourselves still wondering what is missing.
Though I have never been in a relationship myself, I do realize that I have spent most of my adolescent life lusting after having a boyfriend or rather the idea of a boyfriend. I spent so many years feeling sorry for myself because I thought that not having a boyfriend meant there was something wrong with me. I would find myself getting frustrated with these boys I liked because they weren’t living up to my unrealistic standards. We as a culture have taught our teenage girls that if a boy doesn’t consider them to be worthy, they aren’t. That if they don’t have boys lusting after them constantly they are not worthy of being pursued. That is such a false statement. God is constantly in pursuit of our hearts. He is the one person that no matter how many times we’ve stained our pillow cases with tears of boys who don’t deserve our hearts and forgotten about Him, has still been there redirecting our gaze.
“Above all else guard your heart for everything you do flows from it- Proverbs 4:23.”
Our hearts are more fragile than we realize. If we don’t take precaution to protect them we are going to have nothing to give to God. We need to be careful what exactly we do lust after because it can start to define us. I look back on all the boys I’ve liked and all the mistakes I’ve made and realize that even when I’ve been so mad at God for not giving me what I thought I wanted, He was protecting me from myself.
One of my biggest frustrations with girls today is that one of the biggest compliments has become, “Any boy would be so lucky to have you.” I’ve stopped telling my girlfriends this. Simply because we were created and destined to be so much more than someone’s Instagram Woman Crush Wednesday or even someone’s wife. Not that there isn’t pride in that; but God has plans for us, big plans when He can use us both with a man and without one. Now, I’m not saying that I’m not one of those girls that isn’t actively asking God to prepare me to be a wife and mother if he calls me to that, but I also want to work on desiring Him and growing to be a better person for my friends and family as well.
I want to get to the point where I won’t feel a twinge of sadness every time I watch a rom com because I envision myself as the heroine and I don’t have the handsome hero to match it. Because we are already the heroines of the greatest story ever written. The story where God loved us so much He died for us and has been cradling our hearts in His hand ever since. So the next time you are watching SYTD with your mom and you start lusting after having that perfect wedding and the perfect guy to match, remember this quote,
“Until Jesus Christ is the obsession of your heart, you’ll always be looking to mere men to meet the needs only He can fill. Only when you make Jesus Christ your first love, will you be ready for a love story that reflects His glory.”